DAY TWO
The target audience is teens 14-18.
A tall stride follows with every step she takes, she is confident, and you can tell this by here sweet, and innocent smile. Of course, when you see her smile, it looks as though there is a sense of insecurity, although, this isn't quite prominent. Her eyes are a clear blue, and they look bright, with framed, squared, turquoise lenses covering them. Although her stride is very confident, or you could just say tall and proud, all you can see is her slightly stumbling, but gracefully then pulling herself back into her own self confidence. Of medium build, she looks healthy for a young girl. Her short, blond hair hangs down, looking nice, but a little bit messy.
Wearing a pair of tight, light washed jeans, a grey tee shirt, and a vest- she looks as though she is very fashionable, she has everything going for her. Of course, nobody can be perfect, and she definitely has flaws, as unknown as they are. Pale lips are parted as she speaks, clear and fluently with only a small stutter here and there. As she brushes back her blond hair, she walks on, oblivious to the things that are around her. You would think that she would be more open to the world around her, but she just isn't.
Then the flaw emerges.
Bending town towards her puppy, she pets him.
The flaw is she is too kind.
This piece needs a lot of editing. From the first sentence there are numerous flaws; syntax and diction.
ReplyDeleteI think you went a little too descriptive in this piece.Your focused too much on describing the appearance of your character and didn't even mention her name. Also, I think you could have focused more on her flaw that mentioned in the last few sentences.
ReplyDeleteYou also need to clearly state your purpose for this piece.